Long time coming...

It's been awhile since i post my shit here...
life has been bad ever since.. try my best to pour it all out here soon.. ^^

Money, Stress and Pain...

I've been waiting and wanting for the Government money for me to use it as a "Fuel" to find jobs. It has been 4 month since i was retrenched. Honestly speaking, I thought it I'm gonna get a job at least a month after I got retrenched, but I was wrong. Hmmm, well you can say that mostly my predictions went wrong coz I'm just suck at it and luck is always not on my side... I need to find a job A.S.A.P as I'm gonna save money for marriage and stuff.. You might say that I/m lazy not finding a job sooner but all of you don't know what the situation I have right now. I got no money now for bus fare to find the bloody jobs. And I can't borrow any more money from anyone anymore coz I already borrowed a total sum of $300 for me to find the bloody job. I can't keep on borrowing money from people, then some of you might say borrow money from your parents lah, well I can say that I'm too embarrassed to ask them money. Reason you may ask? easy, they also in tight situation and I don't want to trouble them some more. That's why I can't ask them for money.. Sometime I ask myself why God did this to me, He is suppose to help me, not much I ask just a few Hundreds bucks to spare me to find jobs.. I know He gave me life and so on and I should be thankful.. But in this cruel world, MONEY is the language of the world. No money, No nothing, NO LIFE! I know that i might be the most ungrateful person in the world and I'm sorry for it, I've been trying so hard to change myself.All this stress is killing me from the inside... I just need to get out from this misery business. This may sound stupid and childish but I really wish I got some kind of a windfall on me like alot of cash so I can do whatever I want with my life, and maybe start a business. Who knows? Haiz.. this is all just a dream and i know it very well that all this won't happen. I need to work all this shit out.
[6th January 2009 / 4:02am]

The Return of The COM!

I got my computer back after 3 days at maintenance. Glad I got it back, I thoght im gonna lose it forever! LOL!

The Root of My problem...

Ok, yesterday from 9 a.m (3rd January) to 1 a.m (4th January) we talked shit out, all she said was I'm the one who was not being a thoughtful boyfriends. I know I've been neglected towards her, but I myself also need some time alone for myself. She compared me to Dave (My best friend Heidi's boyfriend at that time, saying that well yeah, same thing Dave did to Heidi which is neglecting her. I myself know I Love Her, but she think otherwise. After few hours of shouting and screaming over the phone at her, i gave up and just stay cool and left her to say whatever she wanna say...
[5th January 2009 / 12:30am]

The Definition of My Problems

Is it wrong for me to go out with any female friends even though i told Fie bout it? For me, I don't see any wrong by going out with any female friends because they are just a FRIENDS! Nothing more than that. She always said "Friends also can be a lover if you get too close". I was like hmmmm...jealousy is a normal thing in our genes, people do get jealous, but over-jealousy?! Have anyone been in the same shoe as mine?
Example: Your parents are OVER protective, for sure you're gonnna be damn annoyed right? Like in this Scenario "Mum: Alex! Don't play in the sand, you'll get sand fly on your skin!" "You: MOM! I was just walking over the sand mom, not like I'm gonna play with the sand".
As you can see, there are things that are we can naturally accept, but over doing it can hurt or annoy other people, and it might even hurt yourself doing so! I really she can read this blog. I want her to read it without wanting her to read it...
[1st January 2009 / 5:39am]

The Story of how all this happens...

29th, 30th and 31st December 2008, Fie had been acting cold towards me. This happens maybe because of what happened at McDonalds on the 28th December 2008. I was having some time there surfing the internet. The laptop was very slow at that time, I was pissed and accidentally raised my voice at her while I was MSN-ing with my friend Heidi. Maybe she was hurt when I raised my voice at her and I was sorry for what I’ve done. I did it unintentionally, and after that she stay quiet for quite some time, and I ask her what’s wrong but she said “Nothing”. I kept bugging her for sometime because I know she’s not happy with something. And then she just left me by just saying “You don’t know what the meaning of love and jealousy is!” I was set back a moment thinking “what the hell was that suppose to mean?” I know I mad a mistake and was sorry about it. Then I think it was maybe that I was MSN-in with Heidi and that’s why maybe she was jealous. I mean when I MSN-ing Heidi, Fie was beside me, I’m sure she was watching me MSN to Heidi and I’m sure she saw whatever we were chatting about. Then, what was her PROBLEM?! We didn’t do funny stuff or whatever, we were just talking bout that BLOODY DAVE!! What’s there to be jealous about? This puzzle me, in fact, Fie herself is so puzzling that it’s hardly to understand her lately. At one point she can be happy and in a blink of an eye she can change. Lately she have been very aggressive towards me, she would provoke me in any ways that she would make me pissed , when I’m pissed, I got angry, when I’m angry, she would get it from me. You get the picture? She making me mad and make me look like the bad guy and makes people see her as the innocent ones!! How cunning that is?! Haiz…
(1st January 2009 – 5:24am)

The Origins of All My Problems....

The thing is that lately, Fie had given me a lot of problems although it’s been awhile since my so called “scandal” with an online Girlfriend. She always had given me a hard time with her. A small mistake can become a huge thing; she likes to drag a lot of mistakes and stuff. And I was like “c’mon let bygone be bygone lah!” I can’t think straight now… brb later… (31^st December 2008 – 9:28pm)