Money, Stress and Pain...

I've been waiting and wanting for the Government money for me to use it as a "Fuel" to find jobs. It has been 4 month since i was retrenched. Honestly speaking, I thought it I'm gonna get a job at least a month after I got retrenched, but I was wrong. Hmmm, well you can say that mostly my predictions went wrong coz I'm just suck at it and luck is always not on my side... I need to find a job A.S.A.P as I'm gonna save money for marriage and stuff.. You might say that I/m lazy not finding a job sooner but all of you don't know what the situation I have right now. I got no money now for bus fare to find the bloody jobs. And I can't borrow any more money from anyone anymore coz I already borrowed a total sum of $300 for me to find the bloody job. I can't keep on borrowing money from people, then some of you might say borrow money from your parents lah, well I can say that I'm too embarrassed to ask them money. Reason you may ask? easy, they also in tight situation and I don't want to trouble them some more. That's why I can't ask them for money.. Sometime I ask myself why God did this to me, He is suppose to help me, not much I ask just a few Hundreds bucks to spare me to find jobs.. I know He gave me life and so on and I should be thankful.. But in this cruel world, MONEY is the language of the world. No money, No nothing, NO LIFE! I know that i might be the most ungrateful person in the world and I'm sorry for it, I've been trying so hard to change myself.All this stress is killing me from the inside... I just need to get out from this misery business. This may sound stupid and childish but I really wish I got some kind of a windfall on me like alot of cash so I can do whatever I want with my life, and maybe start a business. Who knows? Haiz.. this is all just a dream and i know it very well that all this won't happen. I need to work all this shit out.
[6th January 2009 / 4:02am]