Speech Tourette...

Can stress make your speech all fucked up? I think so.

Coz, i seems to talk in either English or Malay verbally in a funny way when i'm really stress. Eg: whenever i talk i would like mumbling it and mispronounce every word i say... And my memory also fucked up man, sometime when i'm talking to someone, i can totally forget whatever i'm trying to say without someone interrupt me. Eg: Me talking : "Bla bla bla bla, (then) ......... (Wth am i suppose to say)" something like that. and it's kinda creep me out abit. Going senile at a young age LOL!

I was once hit my head so very badly few years back when i ride my bike and trying to avoid a car while on a raining day.. i never went for doctors for check up till now. and i still got constant migraine (on top of stress) since that accident. ARGGHH! WTH is wrong with me! I'm like a robot which about to spoil! I need an upgrade LOL!

Sigh.... Maybe i'm gonna die soon...

Watch movie alone.. so sad.. T_T

Today, went out with my babe to Bugis, she wanna hang out with me and wants me to accompany her to buy a Halloween costume for the occasion. So I did. We had lunch at Rochor Hawker Center, after that she got something to do so she left me for 2 hours while i eat away my Popcorn till my jaw aches and watched the movie "Pandorum" which is sux, all alone at Illuma mall at Bugis.. LOL, 1st time watch movie alone. so sad kena dump one side.. heheheh.

So, after the movie we met up again and go for dinner at KFC then we went for shopping.. It's quite nice to accompany her but you know la bringing a girl for shopping it's not a good idea coz girls are always fickle on buying things.. Unlike we men we only shop what we want only...hahaha! Yeah, so after she got what she wants (and what she didnt get) we went home and i got a huge headache... haha....

On the way home, i saw this hot babe on the train who kept staring at me... I dunno why, mayb coz of my weird fashion that day or what, but its quite uncomfortable to be stared or being look at for quite sometime. Geez.. sometimes people never notice u and stuff and suddenly got the attention u feel uneasy about it.. lolz... i sot already.. haha.. k la... gtg do something else.. chiow!

Confuse and Lost

I'm confuse. I'm not gonna say what I'm confuse about but maybe by the end of this post u should know.

I got this mixture feeling of ******* in amidst i'm in a lot of shit right now. I'm just confuse and lonely.

God Damn! I really need to get rid of this feeling before it eats me from the inside. Someone PLEASE slap me and take me back to the real world plox. I need to get away, far far away from *******. I can't let myself be open to such ridiculous things. I don't need anymore problems than what already is. I'm too soft, too vulnerable now (as in mentally), any more beating i would just lay dead... How should i get rid of it? arghh... major migraine is killing me again.

The Face That Calm The Beast Inside.

This morning when i woke up (When my babe call me to go out wif her), I felt so crappy, I feel so emotionally exhausted although i didn't cry didn't shout my lung out or whatever. You know, when u watch anime, sometime got this feeling of a certain characters are doing like having dark clouds with lightning on top of them or having this dark aurora surround them. That's how i felt.

After a few hours, i recovered abit and feel abit better. i eat, i do my regular stuff, and go out with my babe. At 1st i dun wanna meet anyone coz i feel so shitty. But then she need my help and wanna come over so i agree. And then i saw her, and i smile for the 1st time for the day. Seeing her always makes me laugh. Coz she's in a way a goofy bimbo with a heart (Chey, later she read this blog she perasan). We went for late lunch at Subway. And after that i thought that she's gonna come over to my place, but she said she got someone to meet someone for movie. So there she goes, and there i goes. I'm back being in the mediocre and pathetic life that i have right now. Back home, i feel more calmer and relax after seeing and talk wif that bimbo. heheh... Well that's the only entertainment i have for today lol. She's being nagging at me non stop at me to be happy and think that all gonna be ok. i tried but i cant.

I jus wanna get over this thing, and move on to a happy life. Sigh.. God really hates me and my Family.

See ya~

Reminiscence Of The Past, Not really...

There's nothing better like the past i might say.

Because the present is just so dark and bleak. My past life is better, although it was tough too but i still can take it. Not like now, where I am so weak and confuse in all the situation that i having right now. People might think that I'm calm and OK. But inside, I'm rather like a beast trying to get out of the cage of sorrow, despair, confuse and anger. Sometimes i feel like beating someone half to death when some just tick me off. But i cant, because I always think of the consequences that might happen if i do something stupid. I'm just lost, confused and hopeless. I'm low on morale, i feel like doing nothing the whole day. no work, no eat, no computer etc. Just lay on bed and act like I'm dead.

Sigh...

Why am i so depress? because i felt like i got no hope anymore. No chance in life, no chance to do something good. I felt like i cant do anything right anymore. The person that i thought is very strong emotionally is now on his knees. seeing him like this makes me lose hope of everything. I nearly lose hope on God. I used to cry allot when I'm too stressed out, coz i cant vent my anger anywhere and the only way is to shed tears. but now, i cant cry anymore, either im used to stressed now or i jus dun have any emotion left (Except for anger).

Sigh...

The past are really better than now. coz at that moment of time i was happy. i got a nice paying job, i got a loving girlfriend (Who what she say that i never care for her), got a quite a happy family. Now, i feel lonely. Although i got 8 family members living in my house (Which im about to lose also) i feel empty inside. i just dont know how to express myself toward others, even to my then GF. I just keep quiet. i just write to make myself feel better. And now when they all gone, i feel that i should talk to them rather then keep myself at bay frm them. Now i have regret it. But who cares? No one cares about how i feel. No one ever ask me what's goin on wif mylife (Except for My babe and Zhi). i just dont like this feeling of emptiness in me.

Sigh...

Lately my chest have been acting up strangely. It gives me alot of chest pain (Damn you cigarettes!). My hands are shaking so badly sometimes, its beyond control. My head, with more constant migrant acting up. My neck, my knees all acting up, my muscle twitch alot showing signs of over stress. Seems like my body cant take more of this stress. JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY PLEASE! Right now, my best friend is my cigarettes ^^. It keeps me company, makes my problem go away temporarily and it slowly killing me. Just what i need.

Anyway, i gotta go and sleep. it's already damn late and the chest pain that i hv right now is unbearable. i need meds!

So... see ya guys and hope you enjoy reading bout my suffering ^o^.
~Have a great day ahead.

I'm officially fucked...

To add more into my already miserable life, i just got a letter from Starhub for a final reminder to pay up outstanding balance of over $600+++. Now its already past the deadline and i guess i just have to wait till they come knocking on my door asking to pay up. If not i will go to court or they will auction off some of my stuff till it reaches the amount stated. What can get any worst than this. =_="

The Nightmare that came true...

What i've been fearing the most came true... Why such bad luck keeps on coming? Why is it the big guy up there hates us so much? Gosh... im really beginning to lose my mind. I tried to be optimistic about all this but it failed,it only worked for a few days until more fuck up came knocking on my miserable life. GOD, have mercy on our soul la... dun do things like this to us... I dunno who to blame, who to throw my tantrums at... i just keep it inside. and it slowly eating me from the inside. Maybe in a few month if this thing keeps on going, i might lose my sanity.. who knows? Sigh... GOD! PLEASE JUST LIFT THIS BURDEN THAT IS SET UPON US! PLEASE! I only can handle it jus a little bit more. More then that i dunno what will happens to me. T_T

Shit is happening again, and im not suprise.

They says "Hey, Shits happened!" Well i say shit happens way to many times here till i'm not surprise anymore.

Today, my dad got into an accident while driving his Bus and he seriously injured a driver. The story goes as what my mum told me. My dad felt asleep on the wheel and hit a taxi in front and the chain reaction hit another car in front. The driver of the car got out of the car and my dad accidentally hit the driver and from what i know is the driver is seriously injured. I still havent get the story from my dad, coz when i asked him, he didnt say anything. but from what i heard, the story doesn't add up. I'm sure stress already got into his head so much that he lost control rather then he slept at the wheel. And if really my dad hit the taxi, the whole bus should jerk and he should be awake by the sudden jerk and stop, instead of running over this guy. It's nt a complete thing so i should ask my dad about it again. I'm just worried if that guy my dad hit dies, my dad could get fired. THIS STORY IS NOT CONFIRM YET SO DUN ANYHOW SPREAD! THANK YOU!

Just hopr for the best. Again. Actually im sick of Hope. It doesnt help at all.
Just fuck off hope. i rather left hopeless then waiting for hope.

YAY! New post from me!

Heyya! Gee, someone wants me to update my blog, she said my blog already went stale coz no updates were made!

Ok, This year's Hari Raya is kinda different. Different in a good way. I felt that, we as the whole family are like more closer now than ever before. I don't know for sure, maybe it's just me. Haha! But nonetheless I'm very happy amid the crisis that we are having now.

To those who doesn't add me at Facebook, u can view our Hari Raya pictures here!
http://www.facebook.com/Kuromaru?ref=profile#/album.php?aid=112048&id=777282179

For the problems that me and my family are facing now, for me, i just wanna be cool about it. I can't go around telling or showing people that I'm miserable, i told that to my best friend and she agreed. I just gonna be cool and take one day at a time with a smile and laughter on my face.

So far i've been feeling great, or either i'm feeling great or i'm starting to lose my mind, I'm unsure. (they say if when u are too stressed out, u starting to change to a person who are not the usual self, and i got that kinda feeling) It's great to have someone to talk to,if that someone cant be reach, here is my haven for all my problems to temporarily goes away. It's like u get drunk or smoke or even get high on cough syrup! haha!

But nonetheless I'm glad to whoever or a Friend read this. It makes my day because i know someone is listening (if not advising) to my crappy problems. It's like what they said "Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

Have a great day ahead guys! ^o^